Mariah our beautiful angel & gorgeous baby girl. You gave us such joy & happiness for 13 months, especially when we needed it most.
The memories you left us I will always treasure. You made becoming a mother so easy. Such a good little baby girl. Your birth was pain I’d never experienced before at the age of 18 but soon as I had you in my arms it was all so worth it.
You brightened up my days & watching you grow was the best. Seeing all your milestones you’ve achieved. The noises you would make while eating were so funny, your special royal wave goodbye. Your beautiful & cheeky smile.
The week before you left us, you just learned to start walking, taking your first few steps was amazing to see. You looked so proud. Your special hand with 3 fingers & thumb was so unique. We always wondered if you would have been left or right handed and what finger you would have used as your wedding finger.
Bless you. The heartache & pain of losing you is something I just can’t describe. I can never get over what happened to you & constantly thinking of ‘what if’. That morning will always stay with me it’s like no other grief I’d experienced.
Becoming a mother at age a young age was just incredible I loved it & watching you grow for 13 months was so special. Putting you to bed the night before you passed away I knew you wasn’t well but I’d put it down to teething or a cold you had developed. Never did I think you was really poorly to pass away in your sleep.
Waking up to find you unresponsive was the worst pain any mother should have to go through. Not knowing for days what had caused you passing was extremely difficult & hard. But then the hospital told us it was meningitis type b, I couldn’t get my head round it as you had all your vaccines up-to date & normally a fit & well baby. I then looked into meningitis & charities which led me to meeting Steve Dayman, who set up a charity after losing his son Spencer at the same age to this disease 30ish years ago. The meningitis now charity really helped me & wanted to start campaigning for the vaccine also sharing awareness & raising money for this incredible charity that was close to my heart.
They really helped me understand about meningitis the disease but also helped with funds towards your headstone & some counselling. When you passed on the 12/12/2009 I found it so difficult to sleep, then waking up with you not there was so painful. I look back & think how did I have the strength to get up & carry on. How did I become so strong? & why, who was I trying to show & impress?!
My life had changed overnight & I’m not a mother caring for my baby anymore I’m a grieving mum trying to get my head round what had happened to you then making funeral plans all before Christmas. It was draining & tiring but I still tried to carry on.
I wanted to celebrate your life even though it was so hard. We had chosen the friends theme tune as one of your songs to play at your funeral because we watched the program constantly & you used to dance & wiggle your bum soon as you heard it.
The nights after you were gone we used to fall asleep watching friends in the background having the tv or a light left on felt right at the time. I used to hate the dark & silence. I found listening to music helped me while grieving also walking on the sea front too.
How do you carrying on & become happy again after what I had experienced. Good friendships & amazing family for support really was what I needed.
Returning to work after having 3/4 weeks off was extremely difficult especially working with babies & children but my Squirrels friends really helped & supported me. I still find seeing babies around her age that she passed away really hard but also the age should would be this year 15 is difficult too.
